The Towing Path

As women, we wear many hats. We’re wife, mother, daughter, grandmother, friend, and employee. We’re also cook, maid, chauffeur, and bookkeeper. We’re so busy being all things to all people, that we don’t have time for ourselves. If you don’t have time to “smell the roses,” and would like to create changes in your life, then here are some things to think about to begin designing your ideal life.

1. Do you know what your ideal life looks like? If not, then this is the place to start. Would a different job, more free time, or a change in your relationship bring you more job and happiness? Then start today to work on changing these areas of your life. Until you know what you want, you won’t have an idea how to achieve it.

2. Are you self-motivated? You’ll have a hard time achieving your goals if you aren’t. Nobody can motivate you, but you. Others can inspire you, but only you can decide what needs to be done and do it.

3. Are you willing to take a risk? Change can be scary. Will you chance the unknown to go after what you want?

4. What are you willing to give up to achieve your goals? A dramatic change usually doesn’t happen without some sacrifices.

5. Are you going to give up if you don’t see immediate results? Change doesn’t happen overnight and you are sure to face challenges. Do you want your life to change badly enough to persevere when this happens?

6. Do you have people that support you? If you do, then tell them what your goals are and also write them down. When you face a roadblock, look at your written goals or call a friend to remind you of what it is you want to achieve. This will help keep you focused.

7. Realize there will never be a “perfect” time to begin. The time will pass no matter what. Five years from now will your life still be the same, or will you have created the life you want?

Now close your eyes and picture the life you’ve created. What are you doing? Are you happy? How does it make you feel to have achieved your goals? Keep this picture in your mind and visualize it everyday until it becomes reality. You have the power to make your dreams come true. As M. Scott Peck said, “Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” Start today to make your life one of value and reach for the stars!

Angela Thompson has always had an entrepreneurial spirit. She has owned a cleaning company, been a Realtor and has been involved in several home-based businesses. She and her daughter are currently independent distributors for Mia Bella Gourmet Candles. Her desire is to help people realize their potential and fulfill their goals. You can visit her at: http://4TheLoveofSoy.com/

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As I am writing this article, the world is shaken by the tsunami that hit Asia on 26 December 2004. It is only now that we start understanding the greatness of the tragedy.

But it is also at such moments that we can see examples of outstanding people’s bravery and courage. And you know, they don’t even think about themselves as brave, they simply did what they thought was right.

I am referring to the story of Phuket’s resident Bill O’Leary, a former Australian, who saved many lives.

Just 2 minutes before the first wave hit, he received a phone call from his employee, who was on the beach where the company’s office is located, “The shoreline receded 250 meters past the swim platform”.

O’Leary was in the sea with guests of his cruise company and his 3 children on the board. He knew the news spelled big trouble. The swim platform was anchored 8 meters deep. He also remembered a shake he felt earlier that morning.

Not many people in Thailand knew about tsunamis but Bill immediately recognized the warning signs. Without delay, he phoned his offices and major hotels, telling them to remove people off the beach, “A tsunami is coming. Clear the beach and get people to high ground.” He also asked other people on the boat to make phone calls to places they knew.

Then he headed out to the sea to face the giant wave. Bill was on the other side of the island, further away from the upcoming tsunami He was in open water when he received the call from the same employee that tsunami hit the Phuket’s beach. Bill pulled back the engines and waited. Then he saw it. A 5-meter step on the water traveling faster than any wave he’d seen before. He directed the boat right at the step and jumped on.

The guests and children were terrified as the boat was riding the wave and everybody was screaming. Bill managed to keep the boat straight until the waves passed. Looking back they could see a wall of water washing off small boats and fish farms ashore. But O’Leary and his crew were safe.

And so were many people that got the 2-minute warning from him. They ran to high grounds and survived. One of the hotels on the beach that got the call, the Marriott, did not have anyone died.

But there also were people who ran back to their homes to fetch some valuables, and who died holding those valuables.

And here are the seven great life lessons we can learn from Bill O’Leary, a tsunami survivor:

1. If you live in the front row, this is where tsunamis hit.

Oceanfront homes come with drawbacks. Have an exit plan in case of emergency and learn the warning signs.

2. A tsunami does not come unannounced.

There ARE warning signs, always. Keep your feelings alert and you should not miss them. If there is a sudden change, seek an explanation.

3. If you know about a problem, alert others.

Don’t be afraid to be a Chicken Little. The sky may be really falling.

4. When smell danger, it is wise to run away.

When your gut feeling alerts you, don’t freeze. Do something. The problem will only get worse if you wait. If you don’t know what can be coming, ask others for help. If there is nobody around to help, simply run. Trust your gut feeling. If you feel unsafe, remove yourself from the situation immediately. Stop a date and excuse yourself. Jump off the car on the traffic light. It’s better to be silly than dead.

5. If you cannot run away from the danger, face it with courage.

Jump on the wave and keep your boat straight. Be totally fearless. Fight, if you have to.

6. No matter what happens, keep your cool.

There is no sense in panicking. Don’t let your fears or anger overwhelm you. In any situation, the first question you should ask yourself is, “What can I do about it?” Decide on the course of actions and carry on.

7. You are priceless.

You life is thousands times more valuable than anything you own. If you smell danger, forget about your purse, cash or a family memorabilia. Even if you have nothing, you will be still the same person you are today.

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We all have questions about our lives, directions, and destinies. It is the curiosity of the unknown that intrigues us to ask of the future. It is the stress of the present and events of the past that cause us to wish for a future. But, under circumstances and with events that create stresses and distortions, our questions, demands, and wishes can create a future that is specifically implemented to answer our questions.

The future is not written in stone, but is instead etched on a napkin based on the events of the present. When we ask a question, issue a wish, or make a demand of the Universe, it listens closely. It then establishes the path and creates a future for us to receive the necessary answer.

Of course, we only ask questions based on our past experiences. In many cases we ask general, non-specific questions, while in others we are specific of objectives not in line with our desires and vision. We tend to focus on the past to query for a future, which produces yet another path to answer questions for long past events. As we ask, we experience, and we learn. If we don’t learn, then we ask the same questions and live the same experiences.

One of the common questions I hear is, “Why is life so hard?” That question, along with the accompanying thoughts and energies, creates a future to show the hard life, and its reasons, to provide the answer. We experience what we ask and demand. A better question would be, “How do I create a successful life?” This question, with its energies and thoughts, will create a future to show the path to success.

It is not so much that the Universe takes the time to tend to our questions, demands, and wishes. It is the energies that we produce as we think and query that creates the circumstances in our future. To pose the right queries and demands, think of the future and how to get there in the manner you desire — as opposed to considering the past and how to avoid certain events and circumstances.

Past energies are negative with respect to future goals and objectives and they create situations such that cause fears come to fruition. Future energies are positive and they support the abstract space to create the wishes and desires we long for. However, so many are unacquainted with future energies that they immediately worry that a past event is about to occur as a result of a positive future event — this to keep balance. However, true balance is at your fingertips and cuddled in your desires and vision. Expecting to relive past events as predestined balance will create circumstance to relive those events.

Although it is easier to oscillate at a lower energy in a comfort zone than to examine the possibilities of an unknown, yet pliable, future, plan to balance and take control of your life. Define your adjustable future by creating your present. Learn to manifest positive destinies by issuing positive questions and demands of the Universe. Be knowledgeable, be specific, and be direct in your questions and demands as it all comes down to the fact that we truly get what we ask for.

Edward B. Toupin, Ph.D., is a published author, life-strategy coach, counselor, Reiki Master, and technical writer living in Las Vegas, NV. Edward works with people to help them strive for a richer life. He also authors books, articles, and screenplays on topics ranging from career success through life organization and fulfillment. Check out some of his recent print and electronic books as well as his articles covering various life-changing topics! Contact Edward at etoupin@toupin.com or visit his site at http://www.make-life-great.com .

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What impact would it have on your professional and personal life if you could learn the secret of successful living known by about 25% of the people? Think about that for a minute and even pause right now and write some thoughts down. How would your life be different if you operated like a “thriver” - a person who thrives and flourishes no matter what life throws at him or her?

In Webster’s II New Riverside Dictionary, the definition of thrive is: “(v) (1) to be healthy or do well: flourish. (2) to be successful: prosper.” In the field of positive psychology, thriving is defined as “reconstructing life’s meaning in response to life’s most destructive occurrences.” So, it’s not that the people who thrive go around unrealistically whistling a happy tune all day long. But they are conscious creators of their lives, not mindless acceptors. They know their power lies within.

I thought I had coined the word thriver when I first set out on my speaking and coaching career in 2001. But, as I did research and reading on the topic of thriving, I found that thriver was a little known word used primarily in the medical profession to denote a group of people who, when faced with major life challenges, choose to get a grip and get on with making it through the tough times in fine fashion rather than caving in. Dr. Paul Pearsall, who wrote a great book about thrivers called the The Beethoven Factor quoted one thriver he interviewed as saying, “think of thriving as the 5 C’s. Think of it as the ability to transform a life Catastrophe into a Catalyst for a Creative Change of Consciousness.” I like to call thrivers “creative solutions experts”.

The word survivor has had much play in the past few years through popular TV shows and books. But, here’s Webster’s definition of survive: “(v) to continue to live or exist. (2) to live longer than: outlive. - survival (n) - survivor (n)”.

Why would you care to just “exist”, when you could “flourish” in your personal and professional life? Studies done by researchers in the field known as “positive psychology” show that 75% of Americans between 25-74 do not fit the criterion of “flourishing in life”. Instead a full 75% of us are seen to be languishing - “emotionally and spiritually fatigued from trying to keep up…generally devoid of highly positive and optimistic feelings towards living”, as defined by Dr. Pearsall.

We’ll never move ourselves, our families, our communities, our nation and our world forward in this new millennium with so many people in such a state. But the good news is that it is possible for each of us to shift out of that mode of thinking - that defeatist way of operating.

Research shows that we can all cultivate the attitude of a thriver. It starts with a willingness to do so. “Our attitudes are our mental stances, the positions we hold vis–vis life. In some ways our attitudes determine everything because they are the glasses through which we see the world.”, writes M J Ryan in her inspirational little book, Attitudes of Gratitude. And, as Dr. Wayne Dyer, the noted psychologist and author, says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”. I believe that change happens the moment desire meets momentum.

I encourage all of us to stop aspiring to be the last guy/gal on the island eating the few remaining bugs. It’s time now to make heroes of those people who not only THRIVE in their lives, but help others thrive as well. Let’s make thrivers our role models. And then let’s get busy becoming thrivers ourselves and inspiring others around us to do the same.

The Thrivers Secrets To Success:

1. Thrivers don’t moan and groan, they make things happen. As the noted playwright, author and satirist George Bernhard Shaw noted, “The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they don’t find them, make them.”

2. Thrivers have the ability to laugh and find humor in things. They know instinctively what research now shows, that our ability to assign a positive meaning to whatever happens to us makes all the difference. As psychologist and author Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s notes, “thrivers’ happiness is not dependent on external factors or life circumstances alone. It derives from their chosen state of consciousness and ability to cheer themselves up when things are looking down.”

3. Thrivers don’t get stopped in their tracks in the face of adversity. They pause and catch their breath and then start making plans on how to get through it with their hearts and minds intact. Positive psychologists call this “creative construing” - the art of reframing the events in our lives and assigning a meaning to them that pulls us forward and helps us thrive rather than worry.

4. Thrivers consider life’s challenges “growth opportunities” rather than hassles. Thrivers are able to creatively “compartmentalize” each challenge in their lives as a temporary blip rather than a permanent situation. They also use what Dr. Pearsall calls “their mental delete key” to get let go of bad things when they are over - what scholar Alan Watts calls having a “forgettory”, which is the opposite of memory.

5. Thrivers have an attitude of gratitude. Because they have faced many unpleasant and usually life-threatening challenges in their lives, they are thankful for all the riches they receive. They don’t walk around thinking life is a death sentence; they realize its LIFE and are grateful to be living theirs.

6. Thrivers are optimistic and hopeful, not just some times, but all of the time. They look for the bright side and always assume that things will get better somehow, if they just keep believing. “Positive psychologists see hope and optimism as essential to surviving, recovering from and eventually thriving because of adversity”, writes Dr. Pearsall.

7. Thrivers trust that there is a plan and a point to life. They believe in some greater force for good which guides us all, whether they call that force God, Yahweh, Allah, Great Spirit, Divine Mystery, the Universe or any of the myriad of names that people have for the Universal Consciousness.

8. Thrivers act “as if” and trust that sooner than later, they will become what they envision they already are. Some people call this the “fake it until you make it” approach. Dr. Paul Pearsall calls this the “great pretenders” trait. Whether it’s being applied to reach a specific goal or just make it through a very tough time, thrivers use their imagination in creative ways to enhance the quality of their lives in the current moment.

9. Thrivers know that you can’t go it alone. They realize that it’s not only important but imperative to have a team of people around them who love, support and encourage them in their efforts. Thrivers reciprocate in kind. They know the sum is greater than its parts and they facilitate teamwork everywhere they go - at home, in the office and in their communities.

10. Thrivers dream big,they believe in their dreams and they invest their time and energy into creating a way to make those dreams come true. They know that what they envision can come true. As Napoleon Hill so aptly stated in his landmark book, Think and Grow Rich, “Verily, there is nothing, right or wrong, which belief, plus burning desire cannot make true. These qualities are free to everyone.” So, thrivers hold their goal in sight and keep believing that it will happen. And they are also willing to “let go and let God” handle the final outcome.

So, how would becoming a thriver affect you and your success in life? Just consider with whom you would rather do business or be around - a person flourishing or one languishing through life? Think about that and start cultivating some of these qualities. I also highly recommend these two wonderful books for anyone who wants to read more about thrivers - The Beethoven Factor by Dr. Paul Pearsall and The Eagle’s Secret by David McNally.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Marianne Williamson to inspire you to start thriving.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

2005 © Creative Mastery Coaching, LLC. All rights reserved.

Gail Stone is Founder of Creative Mastery Coaching, LLC. Find out how you can Get a Grip and Go®! and register for your Get A Grip Clips today at http://www.GetAGripAndGo.com.

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